


No Air

by seoryoungs (inmylife)



Category: NU'EST, Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Childhood Friends, Dungeons and Dragons, M/M, Mutual Pining, Podcasting, Sasaeng Fan(s), alternate universe: the adventure zone, only a little bit though, yes i tagged the managers its just gonna be okay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-02
Updated: 2019-01-11
Packaged: 2019-09-05 11:23:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16809658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inmylife/pseuds/seoryoungs
Summary: In which Aron, Jonghyun, Dongho, and Minki play D&D for an audience and Minhyun recognizes the voices coming from someone else's phone.





	1. aron

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short lil intro!

The podcast is Aron’s idea.

Well, not like it could have been anyone else’s; Aron, after all, is the one who moved away to LA when he was in fifth grade and the other four were in third, and in high school happens upon both podcasting and Dungeons and Dragons. He spends two miserable years at NYU and then moves back to Korea for school instead, starting a new page as a freshman at Seoul National. He rooms with Dongho, but Jonghyun and Minki come in often, and a common topic of conversation with Jonghyun was gaming.

Really, Aron would never have come up with New Trailblazers if it weren’t for Jonghyun complaining that he needed something new to play. But Jonghyun did complain, and something did spark in Aron’s head, and so three weeks into their first semester of college Aron sits three of his four childhood friends around the shitty, rickety round table in his and Dongho’s dorm room and tells them to come up with some characters.

It starts as something fun that Aron records for his own amusement, but then he’s texting Hannah and sends her one of the files and she first sends him a video of herself laughing her ass off and second suggests that he publish it. So he asks Dongho to compose some theme music and gets a cheap website domain and starts uploading.

Well. It takes off to say the least - to say the most, they go kind of viral, at least in South Korea’s nerd circles and within the domains of bored college students needing some humor between classes. Dongho’s begging for a dog (and being unsatisfied with the consolation fish Aron so graciously gifted him instead) and impulsive character Baekho (yes, he named his character White Tiger, Aron wasn’t surprised in the least) won a fair amount of hearts, as did Minki-as-Ren’s sass and character voice and Jonghyun’s cuteness in out of character moments and his cleric JR’s tendency to overuse Zone of Truth as opposed to literally any other spell.

Yeah, it was Aron’s idea and he’s damn proud of that because now they get paid money to hang out and play D&D which means Jonghyun doesn’t need to stress over his major anymore and Dongho can sit around and compose music most hours of the day and Minki, who never liked school in the first place, now doesn’t have to go. And he’s glad above all else that it’s with them. He’s known them since preschool, back when Dongho was still level one in kumdo and Minki didn’t wear his hair long yet and there was a fifth member to their little group.

One of the first questions Aron asks when he comes back to Korea is, “what happened to Minhyun?”

“Oh, he moved away, actually, right after you did,” Minki explains. “He auditioned for something or other. He was on TV last year, some show for trainees, and now he’s in Wanna One.” Minki proceeded to look at him dubiously. “Aron, please tell me you’ve heard of Wanna One.”

He has. Mostly because Grace’s friend’s friends had been on the first season of the show and Grace’s friend and Grace’s friend’s friends were in a group and that group was… well… he learned from Grace later that they were under the same label as Minhyun. Aron remembers Shannon, if only vaguely - she was nice, and energetic, and yes, she sang very well.

Their Minhyun, an idol. Mindfuck. Honestly, Jonghyun coming out or Dongho pursuing a child studies degree weren’t even as surprising combined as that was. Aron watches that one music video of theirs, the one where they have kid versions of themselves, and scoffs at the actor playing child Minhyun. He looks all wrong.

Occasionally, while they’re playing on air, childhood stories will come up. Minhyun was mentioned once, then twice. They cut the anecdotes out the first few times to avoid getting copyrighted by CJ, who were notorious for cracking down on any unauthorised use of names (and also to avoid crazy Wannables), but it just kept happening until finally Dongho had the grand idea to just not call him Minhyun.

“We can just call him the Knight,” Dongho suggests. “You remember. When we were little that’s always what he’d play. The knight.”

“Yeah, and I was the princess,” Minki a,dds smiling big at the memory.

“No one cares, Minki, shut up.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm thinking one character per member but we'll see how that goes, 2hyun might need to have two each or something idk


	2. minhyun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not @ me updating three days late with a chapter twice as long as the first one but go off i guess

Minhyun really loves his members. Most of them. Most of the time. He swears. 

It’s just that right now that’s a little hard to believe, with Daniel and Seongwoo being… loud… off in one direction and Jisung playing something or other at full volume in the next room. Sometimes it feels like the only members Minhyun truly tolerates are the maknaes, he thinks, as he puts one arm around Jinyoung and checks Guanlin’s Korean homework in the other. 

“You’re doing great, Lin-ah,” he reassures their youngest, “you’ve just missed one syllable here - oh, hi, Jisung-hyung.” The oldest member walks in, his something-or-other still blaring. “What’s, ah, what’s that you’ve got playing?” 

“Is it too loud? Sorry.” Their leader smiles sheepishly and turns down the volume. “It’s a podcast. Have you ever heard of Dungeons and Dragons, Hyun-ah?” 

Minhyun shakes his head dubiously. “Sounds foreign.”

“It is,” says Guanlin. “People used to play it at my school when I lived in the US. I always thought it seemed pretty… well… nerdy. Not very cool. I’m sorry, Jisung-hyung.” 

Jisung laughs and ruffles Guanlin’s hair. “No worries, Linlin. Anyway, the podcast is about four guys our age playing it. I’ve never played so I don’t know what’s going on, but they’re funny so I keep listening. It’s called New Trailblazers.” 

At that moment, someone on the podcast laughs very loudly. Jisung startles and turns it down again - Minhyun startles for an entirely different reason. 

He  _ knows _ that laugh. That laugh belongs to Kang Dongho, he’s certain he’s not mistaken - one of the four childhood friends he’d left behind when he left Busan for Seoul to become a trainee at Pledis. He misses those four like crazy some days, misses how they knew all of Minhyun inside and out, how close they all were. Not like here, where they’re still figuring each other out. There are days he wishes he’d never left, because all Pledis gave him was disappointment after disappointment - a promised debut in Tempest only to have it cancelled, then being pulled out of Seventeen TV so they could debut him solo in Japan, which failed. 

Something in his heart reaches out. 

“Hey, hyung,” he says. “Could you send me the link to that podcast?”

It’s definitely them. A weird, secret smile crosses his face as he listens to one, then two, then two more episodes of New Trailblazers in his bed in the dorm with his earbuds in - it’s what gets him through the comeback cycle, which is one of their most grueling yet. The thought of getting back to his bed and having a moment to himself, to fall back into his old life and the comfort of his onetime best friends for an hour and change, pushes him through practice upon practice upon practice and tense dinners with his bandmates of six months and nights spent staying up with the little ones trying to help them sleep. It keeps him going, drags him step by step through those months. It becomes routine, a sense of safety. His solace. 

One night he’s listening and Jonghyun, out of character, brings up a story about how when they were kids they’d played this weird fantasy game and Minki had broken his arm trying to climb a tree so he could pretend it was his tower, and Minhyun sits straight up in his bed so fast he hits his head on Daehwi’s bunk. He remembers that. He’d run the kilo and a half back to Aron’s house because they were nine years old and none of them had known what to do because Minki’s arm looked just  _ wrong _ , and Aron’s mom had sat him down at their kitchen table and gone to the woods herself and drove Minki to the hospital because Minki’s grandparents were working and couldn’t do it themselves. Minhyun still remembers the look on Hannah’s face, judging him and the other four by extension, as she got herself a juice box from the fridge and Minhyun wouldn’t quite let himself meet her eyes even though he knew her like he knew his own sister because the whole day had been just so odd.

It was comforting in a way to know that he wasn’t the only one who remembered.

Daehwi asks him if he’s alright. 

The top of Minhyun’s head hurts, but beyond that, he’s more alright than he’s been in a while.

They’re in an airplane when they mention him the first time. 

They’re going to film in the States, which excites Minhyun very much but excites Daehwi and Guanlin a lot more, and the plane ride is nine hours (maybe more. He isn’t sure). He’s only sort of half-listening to the podcast, more focused on scanning the in-flight service menu for drinks, but he hears something that makes him startle. 

He rewinds fifteen seconds on the podcast.   
“...and I told the knight first.” Jonghyun.   
“I’m still mad it wasn’t me,” grumps Minki. “We’ve known each other the longest. We’ve been friends since we came out of the womb.”

“Yeah, and? You might have known me first but I trusted him a hell of a lot more to keep things quiet than I trust you.”

They played fantasy games a lot when they were kids. The princess was always Minki - it was Jonghyun for a short while but after he expressed his distaste for the role their youngest was more than happy to take over - Dongho was the bad guy, and Minhyun? Minhyun was always the knight. 

They’re talking about him. They remember him. 

Which, of course they would. It’s not like he disappeared from their memories the way he disappeared from their lives - but it still strikes a chord within him to hear, the way they talk about him, the way they use that phrase that can really only refer to him, and to know that there’s still the same love in the way they say “the knight” as there was when they called him by his name all those years ago.

Minhyun takes to twitter. He has a private one, they all do, and he follows the New Trailblazers account and Jonghyun’s and Aron’s and Dongho’s and Minki’s too, and a friend of Jonghyun’s who he does a gaming podcast with, and a fan account for Minki’s cat, and a YouTuber who animates snippets of the episodes for fun. He goes on long rants about the show, theorizing or just shouting into the void (read: the timelines of his members and their other idol friends) about how much the podcast makes him  _ feel _ . 

He starts and deletes entire threads about Jonghyun. The sound of his voice is so comforting to Minhyun - it makes him smile. And his jokes are always the funniest, at least in Minhyun’s opinion. When he looks up promotional photos from live shows and from the hosts’ social media, Jonghyun looks so much happier and so much more comfortable in his own skin than he did fifteen years ago, and Minhyun has no words for how happy that makes him.

He also has no words for the regret that he couldn’t be part of that. 

Minhyun wishes. He wishes so hard that he could have stayed in Busan, or that the others could have become trainees with him, or that he’d at least stayed in contact. He reads an article where Jonghyun speaks up about his mental health and how horrible it had been in high school and he aches inside, wishing he could have been there for him, so he could have had just one more person to hold him together. He wishes he could reach out, now, and say, Hi. It’s me, it’s Min. Your knight. You remember. Do you want to get coffee? How have you been? I missed you all. He starts message after message to their official Twitter, to Minki's Instagram, to their PR team over email, and fights the urge to dial Jonghyun's house phone because even after all these years those digits are still seared into his brain.

There are so many reasons why he can’t. 

Not the least of which is that he has no time. Wanna One is going on their second year now, and he’s been casted in a drama, and management wants another song for his subunit with Sungwoon and Jisung, and in much of his spare time he’s either fussing over Guanlin and Jinyoung or listening to New Trailblazers itself, and then there’s the endless practices, and the variety appearances, and the music shows, and filming after filming, and photoshoots that seem to go on forever, and yet another series of their reality show. He barely gets enough sleep, he certainly doesn’t have enough space in his days to carve out an hour to go  _ hang out _ with someone. 

In the shower, or late at night when he’s too stressed to sleep, or in the car on the way to schedules, he scripts out whole scenes in his head where he meets them all at a tiny coffee shop and there are no crazy fans and no managers hovering and no time commitments and at the end of it Dongho pulls him into a hug (he always gave the best hugs when they were kids and according to Minki it’s the same now) and tells him it’s all going to be okay and they go back to Dongho and Minki’s apartment together and Aron cooks them something and Jonghyun falls asleep on his shoulder and Minhyun doesn’t go back. 

He also scripts scenes where Jonghyun kisses him gently at the top of his forehead and Minhyun holds his hands in return, but he doesn’t even let himself acknowledge those until Daehwi comes back from another green room rambling about how pretty Jay Chang is and realizes that that might be a little bit okay after all. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im a mess tell me im a mess on twitter @kangsyejin
> 
> eternal thanks to milo and ted for enduring my nerd ramblings 
> 
> daehwi's crush on jay chang (from u19) is a nod to my other friend kira bc jay chang is her fixed pick and hes pretty and speaks english and daehwi would totally be in love with him
> 
> unrelated but i just learned that magnus got a consolation fish in the actual podcast and im in awe of how i gave dongho consolation fish before i even knew that


	3. minki

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is entirely jren friendship i love this chapter

Minki’s had the same song - Bad Romance by Lady Gaga - as his alarm and ringtone both for the past six years. So when his phone starts ringing at four in the morning, he writes it off as his alarm and grudgingly picks it up. He registers the time first. Then Dongho - or more accurately “BBB (big buff baby)” on the caller ID.

“Why are you calling me at four AM. Has someone died.” 

“Go check our numbers, Minki.” 

“It’s four AM.”

“I don’t care, go check our numbers!” 

Because Dongho clearly isn’t going to let him go back to sleep until he’s done it, Minki checks their listener count… and then the official twitter… and then his own twitter.    
Needless to say, he doesn’t think he’ll be going back to sleep anytime soon.

“Dongho,” he whispers, dumbstruck. “I have gained nine thousand twitter followers.” 

There’s a pause on the other end of the line. “Yeah,” Dongho says.

“Dongho.” He repeats. “Do you by any chance happen to know why?”

Dongho makes a noise of disagreement on the other end of the line. “But it’s huge publicity. I figure we shouldn’t look a gift horse in the neck. Or whatever it is.” 

Minki sighs. “In the  _ mouth _ , Dongho.” 

Jonghyun freaks. He freaks about most things; this is in his nature. But he tears himself up over how this could possibly have happened and, more importantly in his eyes, over how he could singlehandedly mess it up and reverse their good fortune. 

“You’re really okay, you know,” Minki informs him over tea in his apartment, sitting in kind of squeaky leather armchairs he’d bought at a flea market a year back. “Jonghyun, you’re adorable and universally beloved by, oh, I don’t know, our entire fanbase? There are people who want a spinoff podcast just about JR.” 

Jonghyun pales. “I -”

“Yes, and I know you wouldn’t do that for the world.” Minki blithely reaches over and gives his upper arm a reassuring squeeze. “I just mean, you know, if anyone were to screw up, it would be Aron.”

“Don’t remind me,” Jonghyun mutters, eyes narrowing. Aron had… opinions, and his Stateside journalism major led him to believe that those opinions needed to be shared, and this had gotten him into conflict with fans of a certain idol group. 

Minki’s phone vibrates. “Speak of the devil,” he murmurs, because it’s Aron. 

**Yo welsh corgi:** check twitter NOW

“Aronnie says to check twitter,” Minki informs Jonghyun as he pulls up the app. 

Minki will be honest here, he didn’t think there was much that could shock him after the New Trailblazers cast mysteriously gained almost a hundred thousand followers between them, but this certainly takes the cake. 

_ Wanna One’s Hwang Minhyun fan of gaming podcast _

For once, Choi Minki finds himself at a loss for words. 

It happens like this. 

The members of Wanna One, as do most idols, have private Twitters they only share with others in the industry. A sasaeng fan got hold of Minhyun’s account, somehow, and made all his tweets public. Somehow the accounts of the other ten members, the Pristin and Seventeen members, and Minhyun’s other famous friends weren’t publicized - maybe the sasaeng had a heart. (Probably not.)

The four of them are, to say the least, floored. Minhyun, their Minhyun, the national producers’ Hwang Minhyun, was listening to their show, on which they talked about him in code. In a way, it’s like he’d found them again. 

It had hurt, when he left. It wasn’t like with Aron - Aron had told them, had given them his new address and written letters until they were all old enough to have phones. Minhyun disappeared without warning. It was like one day he was there, and the next he was gone, and his parents and Sujin refused to tell them where he’d went or how to contact him until Jonghyun was half-paying attention to Produce 101 because some kid from their high school was on the show and had gasped loud enough to make Dongho come running out of worry. 

Minki thinks, secretly, it had hurt Jonghyun the most. Jonghyun had had a crush on Minhyun, a crush he’d only admitted to Minki when they hit their teens and Minki started going to drag shows, and Minki secretly thinks Jonghyun was never quite over it. 

He acts off the weeks after they find out. Staring off into space, dropping things more than usual (which says a lot, the guy’s real clumsy), constant anxious finger-tapping and tongue-biting. And Minki worries. 

The next day they sit down to record, Aron throws in a special shoutout. “And a very special thank you to Hwang Minhyun’s fans - Dongho-yah, what are they called again - ak - what? - auroras? Auroras, who have given us so much attention over the past few days. We hope that you will continue with us in the future. And, of course, thank you to the man himself, Hwang Minhyun.”

“The man, the myth, the legend,” jokes Minki. 

It, impossibly enough considering that Minki usually isn’t very funny, gets a laugh out of Jonghyun. 

“You still like him.” 

The deer in the headlights look Jonghyun gives him reminds Minki painfully of the expression he’d worn when he’d first come out to them years ago, and Minki has to clench his fists tight enough that his nails cut crescent moons into his hands so he doesn’t give in. Some conversations just need to be had, and this is one of them. 

“Jonghyun.” 

“Yeah.” Jonghyun sighs, then looks down. “Yeah, I guess I still do.” 

Minki opens his mouth to try and form a response, but Jonghyun beats him to it. 

“I know, he’s an idol now, and definitely not gay, but… I watch him, you know, Minki, on TV, and I see so much of the old Min in him. I missed him so bad it hurt when he moved away. You know that.” Oh, Minki definitely knows the extent of that hurt. “And I was okay with that. With watching him on TV and seeing gifs of him pop up on my twitter every couple weeks. But now this… knowing he’s been watching us, too…” 

There is a fierce and tangible moment in which both of them definitely know Jonghyun is about to cry but neither of them are willing to admit it. 

It’s broken when he blinks and the first tear rolls down his face, and Minki wastes no time in pulling his first best friend into a hug. 

Taehyuk, their promotional manager, has them all sit down in an office building that they’ve been to maybe twice ever - three times, now - in cushion-backed rolling chairs that, to Minki’s disappointment, don’t have arm rests. He’s made half a mind to grumble about it, but then a short, heavyset woman with round glasses who bears an uncanny resemblance from Sadness from Inside Out comes in. Minki does not recognize this woman, and a cursory glance around the table proves that the other three don’t either. 

“I’m Kim Nayeon,” she says, “and I’m here to talk to the four of you about a commercial opportunity.” 

“It’s a live show,” Taehyuk elaborates. “Nayeon-ssi is the manager of your promotional guest.” He swallows, and Minki tenses up because he’s sure he knows what’s coming. 

“Wanna One’s Hwang Minhyun.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh look, an update
> 
> i LOVE sadness unnie and as a once i miss her :(((( so im inserting her here bc i needed someone to be minhyun's manager bc taehyuk is still w nuble in this universe and ours obvs 
> 
> the sasaeng tag finally comes into play haha... i got some questions about what it might refer to but now you know. she's an important part of the plot even though she isn't named or even mentioned after this chapter so i tagged her haha.
> 
> i am so THRILLED with the response this fic has gotten, i seriously think it's gotten more comments than any other work i've posted has after three weeks... i am so so grateful for everyone who's been reading and i hope i can continue to keep you guys happy! i don't usually get volumes of comments on my works but i've gotten so many for this and it makes me super happy. the subscription count is looking good too. i am seriously so happy about this and i appreciate everyone who's been reading, leaving kudos, commenting, subscribing, or bookmarking. you guys mean the WORLD. 
> 
> i should note that wanna one is a permanent group in this au and the fic may not be finished until after the 31st. 
> 
> find me on twitter @kangsyejin!


	4. jonghyun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it's baby bugi's chapter yall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the theme for this chapter is "everybody loves jonghyun"

Jonghyun is a regular guest on Buzzbean11’s YouTube channel, and has been for six months now, which still comes as a shock to him cause he’d been watching the guy’s videos since high school. It started out as a business relationship, but over the months he and the YouTuber had evolved into a father-and-son-like duo. Donghyun and Yumdaeng fuss over him more than his own parents do. 

“You seem off today,” Donghyun says. “Do you want to talk about it? We can delay the stream.” 

Jonghyun makes a face. No, he doesn’t want to talk about it, and no, he doesn’t want to make Donghyun delay his stream. That will just make him feel worse, towards Donghyun and towards the viewers. 

“Honey,” his wife scolds from her position in the doorframe, “don’t do that. Your viewers want to see you.” Yumi smiles like she’s planning something. “I have an hour before my stream. I’ll talk to him instead. Come into the kitchen with me, Jonghyun-ah.” 

Feeling a bit like he’s walking to his execution, Jonghyun obeys. 

“So.” 

Yumi, by all standards, shouldn’t be intimidating. She’s small, chubby-cheeked, and has the voice of a fairy princess. But Jonghyun feels like he’s being interrogated, even though she’s just said the one word: so. 

“Noona…” 

“Is it girl trouble?” she says knowingly. 

He sighs, because god, how he wishes it were girl trouble. “No, noona,” he answers. 

“Hmm.” She taps her fingers to her lips while she stirs whatever she’s making - soup something, Jonghyun wasn’t really paying attention when she’d told him but it smells good - with the other. “Is it  _ boy _ trouble?” 

Jonghyun’s hands drop to the counter hard, and the sensation snaps him out of the dull, blind shock Yumi had sent him into. 

She  _ knows _ . 

“How did you…” 

Yumi smiles a mysterious smile. “Mothers knows everything,” she quips. “Now come on. Tell me. It’s okay, really.” 

“Are you sure?” 

It’s not that he worries being gay isn’t okay with her. The couple are pretty open-minded, which is one of the reasons he likes them so much. He just doesn’t want to unload onto her, to take up her time, to make her pretend to care. 

“Jonghyun-ah.” She shakes her head. “I run a talk show. You’re upset, and this is how I know how to help you. It’s no trouble. I promise you.” 

She looks him straight in the eyes, and he believes her. 

“You know Wanna One, right?” He looks at her through his bangs - he lets his hair fall into his face when he gets anxious, like he can hide behind it even though he knows he can’t - and presses his lips together into an awkward grimace. His usual habit is to bite his lips, but Minki has been nagging at him about it as of late, so he’s been trying to stop. 

“Do I know Wanna One.” It seems like Yumi is trying to stifle a laugh. “Sorry, sorry sweetie, I’ll be serious. Yes, I know Wanna One.” 

“I grew up with Hwang Minhyun,” Jonghyun blurts out. “Me and the other New Renegades guys. And even when we were little… I always liked him. I think I kind of always knew.” 

“Ah,” Yumi nods knowingly. “This business with your podcast, and him listening to it.” 

“It’s not just that,” he hastens. If he’s going to tell her everything, he might as well tell her  _ everything _ . “Our management wants to capitalize on all the publicity his fans are bringing to our show, and now… well… we’re going to do a fansign with him.” 

Her face fills with sympathy. “Oh, sweetie.” 

“And I’m just so worried,” he chokes out, his lower lip starting to tremble, “that I’ll do something stupid and put him off me or that I’ll let slip that I like him and that’ll ruin everything because - because -” 

And then he’s breathing too fast to get out words, even. 

Yumi wraps him in a safe, tight hug and brushes his hair out of his eyes.    


Aron holds his hand in the waiting room as they fidget, waiting only on Minhyun to arrive. The older massages his palm, rubs gently at the joints of his fingers, strokes his thumb in comforting patterns on the back of Jonghyun’s hand. 

“Did Minki tell you.” He says it like a statement because Minki definitely did. Thick as thieves, those two. 

“It’s something nerve-wracking for all of us,” Aron says instead, non-answering. “And, you know, you get anxious. I wanted to make sure you were okay.” 

What Jonghyun reads into that is:  _ Yes, Minki told me. I love you. It’s gonna be alright and I’m gonna help you today. _

When Minhyun walks in he opens the door quietly and timidly. Not like he used to, which was with all the grace of a big bear. 

He realizes right then that Minhyun’s scared too. 

They don’t talk. Not yet. Jonghyun isn’t sure his voice is still with him, not at this moment, so he stares down hard at his hands and sends telepathic signals to Aron who, thank god, seems to get them and keep holding them. 

Somehow they stumble through the fansign with Minki and Dongho interacting with Minhyun enough to please the media and their managers. Jonghyun stays quiet and does fanservice all over Aron and acts cute - so, he does what he always does - and no one tells him he should be doing anything different. In a way he feels kind of bad for Minhyun, who has Nayeon-ssi hovering over his shoulder telling him what their company wants him to do. Jonghyun would hate that. 

At the end, as the fans are filing out, Dongho meanders over to him in the green room. “Give me a fucking hug,” he says. 

(Translation:  _ Minki blabbed. Love you. _ )

He accepts his hug and turns to leave, but he accidentally catches Minhyun’s eye from where he’s chatting with Aron - well, he says  _ chatting _ , more like screaming and bickering and maybe possibly hitting each other - and the breath is gone from his lungs in an instant. God, his  _ gaze _ . There’s a reason his fans call him ‘the emperor’ - it’s imposing. And sculpted. Seeing Hwang Minhyun - the all-grown-up version - in person is a lot different from seeing Hwang Minhyun on the TV. Or, you know, on advertisements all over Seoul. 

In the end, Minki leaves an eyeliner pen in the venue’s bathroom and makes them wait to leave so he can go get it, and it’s warmer outside somehow than it is in the car, so Jonghyun opts to wait out there. 

Bad choice, because Minhyun’s on his way out with his manager. He stops and looks Jonghyun in the face again. 

“Why didn’t you talk to me?” 

He sounds so hurt, and broken, and betrayed - he sounds the way Jonghyun felt on the inside, when Minhyun packed up and moved to Seoul without a word. He sounds  _ empty _ . 

Jonghyun put that there. 

His eyes well up and he whispers the only thing he can. 

“I’m sorry.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok guys we're ditching the five chapters!!! and going for a jr part two i think because the chapter needed to end where it did but there's a lot more to tell from jr's side of the story that it's impossible to do with baekho's chapter (the epilogue). sorry for the wait - i had a busy week with the holidays and work (i work retail so u can imagine this past week has been a NIGHTMARE). happy holidays to anyone who celebrates!
> 
> also not @ me using yumdaeng and buzzbean11 AGAIN as jonghyun's parental figures but they just love this boy so much ok. they made him FOOD. theyre his mom and dad and im never shutting up about it ever
> 
> tell me im awful at planning on twitter @kangsyejin


	5. interlude: minhyun and jonghyun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> xxx warning this chapter for discussion of unsafe habits (not sleeping/eating regularly) starting from "Because you weren’t there, okay?" to “So don’t tell me you’re fucking sorry", it's real brief though.

_ Jonghyun _

He can’t sleep that night. Not a wink. He can’t stop thinking about the heartbroken way Minhyun looked when Jonghyun refused to talk to him, and he feels awful. 

His anxiety attack that night is one of the most physical he’s ever had - he shakes and trembles and Minki confesses later that it almost looked like he was seizing - and he sobs loud enough that Dongho hears and wakes up the others around 3 and they sit with him until the day starts to dawn through his east-facing window.

At 7, Minki falls asleep on the couch, with Jonghyun wrapped close in his arms. He comes back to himself, then, with the rhythm of his longest friend’s breathing moving up and down lulling him into calm. 

_ Minhyun _

He goes into Jinyoung’s room that night. 

“I’m okay, hyung,” says Jinyoung, puzzled, because Minhyun usually only sleeps in Jinyoung’s bed if Jinyoung’s had a rough day and he needs the reassurance. 

“It’s not for you,” Minhyun is quick to explain. “It’s, um. For me.” 

“Oh, hyung,” starts Jinyoung, but Minhyun doesn’t let him finish. Instead, he wraps the younger in his arms tight and crawls into his bed with him. 

It reminds him, strangely, of having a teddy bear. Of being four years old again and sleeping over at Dongho’s, curled up on the facing-out side of the bed almost falling off and squishing Dongho up against the wall -

He is not going to think about that. 

Or at least that’s what he tells himself, even as the guilt permeates his bloodstream and leaves a sick feeling in his mouth from all the things he did wrong. 

_ Jonghyun _

He falls asleep, somehow, at seven that night, and when he wakes up, briefly, around ten he shoots out a text on impulse to Minhyun. He doesn’t question why he has that number.

_ wanns gt cofee _

He falls asleep again. 

_ Minhyun _

Usually, he doesn’t check his phone until after practice is over, and this time it’s no different. Guanlin checks his, and Sungwoon too, often, on their breaks, but Minhyun leaves his phone in his sweatshirt pocket tossed carelessly in the corner of the practice room until it’s late-early and they’re released. 

When he opens his phone, his blood runs hot. Not cold - no, it’s like his body’s been shoved into another universe where it’s August but his brain knows it’s still December. And he feels like he’s going to cry and he can’t bear to unlock his phone and have to face the notification, to read what it says. He just can’t do it. 

It’s the number Aron had given him, for Jonghyun. “Just in case,” Aron had said. “He’ll come around to you eventually. It’s just he took it so hard when you left…” 

He opens the text and nearly drops his phone on the hard concrete floor of the dorm. 

It translates, he thinks, into something along the lines of “wanna get coffee,” but his brain simply can’t put the words together, can’t organize the synapses of  _ Jonghyun text coffee talking-to-you _ into something that actually makes sense. 

He does want to get coffee. 

He leaves Jonghyun on read. 

_ Jonghyun _

He throws the phone across the room once he realizes what he’s done. 

“Jonghyun-ah?” asks Baekho, stunned. He rarely throws things, and when he does, it’s not stuff that easily breaks. It’s usually along the lines of pillows. 

It’s enough effort to just breathe steadily that he doesn’t respond for at least a minute or so. 

“Find me Choi Minki and Kwak Aron,” he tells Dongho, after he’d come into the living room out of a cocktail of worry and curiosity, “and tell them they are very, very dead.” 

_ Minhyun _ _  
_ Fucking Kang Daniel. 

He’s fuming. 

“You can’t just unlock my phone and reply to things for me! My phone is - is - it’s private! What would you say if I went through your phone and texted your - your mom?” 

Daniel just laughs. “I wouldn’t care, hyung.” Ong fucking Seongwoo and Kim fucking Jaehwan are sniggering in the background and Minhyun regrets every moment of Sorry Sorry team that might have caused any of those idiots to believe this was okay. 

He has a wild wish that Hyunbin were in Wanna One right now, because he’d definitely take Minhyun’s side. 

And then he remembers to just be entirely angry, because  _ Kang Daniel texted Jonghyun saying he would love to get coffee _ and Jisung’s lecture about team bonding his ass he  _ really _ wants to punch their center square in the face.

_ Jonghyun _

So, with a lot of divine intervention (that is, intervention from Minki), they do actually set up a time to get coffee. It’s hard, because Minhyun has so many schedules (Jonghyun winces when Minhyun texts them a picture of his weekly itinerary, it’s packed), and when he does have free time their New Trailblazers activities overlap with it. But finally they settle on a time, and a day, and a place, and on that day Jonghyun takes a lot of deep breaths and lets Dongho drive him there because he’s not sure he’d be able to focus on the road himself. 

_ Minhyun _

Small talk is painful. 

Minhyun hates it. He hates the awkward way their eyes keep not-meeting, he hates how Jonghyun’s gaze keeps nervously darting towards the windows. He hates how they’re talking about nothing even as they spit out words to fill the silence.

“Listen, I -” he starts, but stops abruptly as the waitress comes back with their tea. She’s a fan of one of them - he’s not sure who, but she keeps looking back at their table when she thinks they aren’t paying attention.

He takes a deep breath, once he’s sure she’s in the back room, and starts over. “I read the articles, you know. About how hard it was for you. And I wanted to say that I’m sorry for not having been there.”

This clearly wasn’t a good thing to say, because Jonghyun’s expression hardens. 

“What do you know about what I went through.”

“Jonghyun -” 

“Because you weren’t there, okay? And no matter how many fucking articles you read, or how many - how many - and no matter what  _ Minki _ tells you - you weren’t there. And you don’t know, and yeah, I’m mad,” he stammers out. His voice is shaking, but it’s strong all the same, and Minhyun feels a little cowed. “That you think you can just, just  _ come back _ , waltz back into our lives just like this, and pretend that you know everything the four - three of us went through together. You weren’t there when I didn’t sleep for a week straight, you weren’t there when Minki had to force me to eat, you weren’t there when my sisters couldn’t leave me alone in my own goddamn house, I couldn’t go to  _ school _ , Min…” 

He exhales raggedly. Tears are starting to bead up in his eyes and his hands move faintly like he’s trying to bring them to cover his face but isn’t letting himself. 

“So don’t tell me you’re fucking sorry. You don’t get to come back and make things worse because I - I -”

_ Jonghyun _

He’s still reeling, and he’s so wound up he almost slips. Almost. Thank god he catches himself. 

He stands up the moment he realizes and sends the chair he was in skidding backwards across the tile floor until it falls backwards loudly. Everyone in the cafe is looking at him. 

He has to get out of there.

So he runs. He runs, clumsily, tripping over his own two feet like he always does, but it’s effective as hell because he ends up outside the back door of the cafe - he hadn’t even paid attention to where he was going, not really - breathing hard and vision blurry with tears. His ears are still ringing with what he almost said. 

_ Because I love you. _

It’s warm for January, and it’s starting to rain. Not snow. Snow would be prettier; rain is just gray. 

Although, Jonghyun’s always liked the rain. 

When he isn’t stuck in the middle of it, the rhythm is calming, soothing. He’s underneath an overhang right now, so he feels the cold wetness in the air, but he isn’t getting soaked. He lets the sound wash over him, the patters of the raindrops calming him down. 

“I thought about you every day, you know.” 

He startles - he hadn’t even noticed the door open. 

“Minhyun, go-” 

He wants him to leave, but Minhyun  _ followed him out here _ . He didn’t have to do that. 

“You remember Seoin from down the street?” Minhyun asks, like Jonghyun hadn’t said anything. “She and Sujin stayed friends, you know. I mean, of course you know that.

“She went on a study abroad when they were in college and she met this guy in Japan. Super nice, sweet, funny, totally her type, but she had to leave within the week. So the day before she was supposed to leave, she blocked his number, deleted the chat app, and tried to pretend he didn’t exist. And it hurt her a lot, because it would have been so easy for her to have been honest with him. But she just couldn’t. And Sujin told me that story and it kind of stuck with me, you know? Because… well… I was scared. 

“I should have told you. It would have been so easy for me to tell you. But I didn’t, I packed up my bags and blocked your number and took the train to Seoul alone and I regretted every minute of it. And I had to stick to it, until Jisung-hyung started listening to your podcast and I started to feel like, you know, maybe this was fate. Maybe something was trying to tell me I couldn’t forget you guys anymore. 

“I missed you guys so much. I almost debuted in 2012. I almost debuted with Seventeen. I debuted in Japan and bombed. I felt so… so alone and all I could do was hold on to the thought of you and even now - I mean, I have Jinyoung and the hyungs but - I’m in a group with ten other people and it still feels so lonely and the thing is, when I listen to your podcast, it feels like I’m not alone. It feels like I’m there, with you guys, sitting around the table and laughing with you while you play. And I - listen, I’ll be honest, Jonghyun.”

Minhyun takes a deep breath, and for one wild moment Jonghyun allows himself to hope. 

“I think I might have fallen for you. Listening to you. And believe me, I know how it sounds, because we haven’t seen each other face to face in years, and you can hate me after this all you want but  _ please _ don’t tell, Jonghyun, I -” 

Jonghyun can’t handle this, he doesn’t think. It’s everything he wanted to here - somehow - it fills up some hole inside of him he wasn’t quite sure was there - but still - why does he feel like he’s just been knocked over by a wave?

He’s so overwhelmed.

He hides his face in his hands and starts to cry. And after a moment he feels warm arms enveloping him, and Minhyun’s voice saying, 

“I think I get it now, Jonghyun-ah. I can’t do anything about what I wasn’t there for - about back then. But I want to be a part of your life now, if you’ll have me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally i come to you with an update! hhh.
> 
> so wanna one is over. i'm sad but also happy that minhyun is back with nu'est for good now. they're gonna live on for another week in this fic lol
> 
> i want to give special thanks to commenters Bee and ice_flow because their comments make me so happy and idk what to do with myself??? and i dont really respond to most of the comments on here but i really love them and those two especially are so thoughtful and yeah ily guys
> 
> befriend me on twt @kangsyejin


	6. dongho

“Okay, make a constitution saving throw,” Aron says through his laughter. 

Minki makes an offended face. “What? All I said was that Jonghyunnie and his boyfriend should -”

Jonghyun throws the dice at him. Baekho snorts. 

“For the benefit of the radio,” he says, “Jonghyun just threw the dice at Minki.” Minhyun, from where his head is resting on Jonghyun’s lap, laughs. “Go back to sleep.” Minhyun gives him the middle finger. 

“Just make your goddamn saving throw,” Jonghyun snaps to Minki. “If you’re going to be making commentary, Choi Minki, I might have to release a certain video of you at sixteen to the internet -”

“What video?” Minhyun mouths to Dongho. 

“I’ll show you later,” Dongho whispers back. 

It’s weird having Minhyun around again. It’s even weirder with him and Jonghyun dating. 

Dongho’s not crazy protective the same way Minki is, but he is really protective of Jonghyun, and he isn’t sure this relationship is what they need. Jonghyun had torn himself up so many times over Minhyun over the years, and Minhyun is so busy it seems like all they do together is nap, and they’re constantly worrying about each other to the point where Dongho, Aron, and Minki have to step in to tell them to calm down, but… they’re happy. They make each other happier. 

It’s been sort of clumsy - Jonghyun’s anxiety presents a lot differently now than it did when they were kids, and Minhyun doesn’t always know how to help; Minhyun does a lot of fanservice with his members and it makes Jonghyun jealous. And Dongho, Minki, and Aron watched on pins and needles the first few weeks, starting from when Jonghyun came home from coffee red-eyed but smiling, elated and overwhelmed at once, and immediately shut himself in his room because he’d had to process everything. 

Dongho thinks the four of them sort of thought that Minhyun being back would be like a missing piece, but… all five of them have changed a lot. It’s weird for Minhyun when the four of them reference memories he wasn’t there for. It’s weird for Dongho to have Minhyun actually in his life, instead of having a bitter  _ what if he’d stayed _ presence in his mind. 

And, of course, they have to teach Minhyun how to play D&D. 

For a lot of reasons, they of course can’t say that Minhyun and Jonghyun are together. But their fans do know that Jonghyun is gay, now - a few weeks after The Great Coffee Shop Epiphany (as Minki likes to call it), he’d come out on Twitter - and that there’s a guy in his life that makes him happy, and that sometimes he’s there at the recordings. And if in the future Hwang Minhyun appears as a special guest in their next plot arc, well… the fans can say what they like. 

Minhyun comes over to their apartment in his free time, and usually he just sleeps, or reads, or something like that. But one day Minki decides they need to be stuffing food into him, and so he’s going to come over for lunch, and he’d asked them with these big pleading eyes, “could I bring the kids, too?”, and that’s how Dongho has three high school students looking at him like they’re scared of him and pretending to pay attention to their samgyeopsal. 

Minhyun calls Bae Jinyoung his baby, and Dongho is honest - it fits. Jinyoung  _ looks _ young (maybe it’s just his small face), and Minhyun babies him every chance he gets, always having an arm around him or checking in on him. Lai Guanlin takes a liking to Jonghyun, and Jonghyun starts caring for him right back - Dongho thinks he’s endeared by the younger’s clumsy Korean and sweet smile. And Lee Daehwi has long conversations about Western music with Minki, to Minki’s glee, because none of his roommates will entertain his monologues about Lady Gaga at this point in their friendship. 

Dongho is content to be a little bit jealous of the others and to hang out on the couch and take tentative sips of soju with Aron, but then Lee Daehwi walks up to him and says, awkwardly, “Minhyunnie-hyung says you write music?” 

And Dongho will never turn down a chance to talk about his compositions, so needless to say by the time Minki forces all four Wanna One members to take a nap Dongho has a new best friend and an email address he’s sure he’ll be receiving MIDI files from soon. 

(A year later, a producer calls him and asks to work with him on a Wanna One track. Dongho about faints right there in the living room, and he makes sure to tell Lee Daehwi how much he loves him the next time they see each other.)

Their first episode with Minhyun is the start of a whole new story. Jonghyun’s agreed to DM - and Dongho highly anticipates making him suffer the way they’ve made Aron suffer for the past two years. 

They name Minhyun’s character Foxy, and Jonghyun has to hold back laughter that brings him near to tears. “Foxy? You’ve got to be kidding me. Like how is that even a name?”

“Hey, I named my character white tiger last time and you didn’t say anything,” Dongho defends him. 

“I think last time Aron was more willing to anything-goes it for the sake of the podcast,” Minki reasons. Aron nods. 

“But Jonghyunnie could stand to loosen up a little, too…” 

“Oh, believe me,” Jonghyun says - and Dongho sees him take Minhyun’s hand under the table. “I’m well on my way there.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well, we're here... i hope you guys liked it. this was so much fun to write and i hope it was equally fun to read haha
> 
> i have a new 2hyun fic in early stages of development! not sure when i'll post it but it's definitely happening so keep a lookout, hehe
> 
> find me on twitter @kangsyejin!

**Author's Note:**

> updates roughly weekly ish kind of sort of. we'll say five chapters for now but that's maybe probably going to change. yeah. dont expect shit from me.
> 
> thanks to ted and milo for being the reason i actually wrote this instead of letting it die in my drafts
> 
> think about it though it's just too perfect? baekho = magnus ren = taako jr = merle and aron as the dm regretting his life choices
> 
> send me hate mail on twitter @kangsyejin


End file.
